The average age at which children have access to
their first smartphone is lowering more and more . In the fifth grade a nice slice of the
class already has it usually and when you get to middle school, you can count
on the fingers of one hand who does not have it.
The 2017 report of Ofcom (the independent
competent regulatory authority for communication companies in the UK) shows us
some interesting numbers: of children 8/11 years, 39% have their own
smartphone, a percentage that rises to 83 in the band 12/15 years.
One phrase that we hear more and more is: we
are giving a Ferrari to a child without a license ! And it's true
unfortunately. Overseas awareness of this topic is now widespread, while
in Italy we are starting to take the first steps now.
Families are increasingly social, the little ones are born that are
already present online through the published photos of pregnant mothers and in
this panorama we are all dazzled by the power of social recognition given by
likes, shares and comments. Adults and smartphones are increasingly going arm
in arm and consequently also the new generations. It often happens that we
forget the power of these tools and then before giving them into the hands of a
child, we should make the necessary reflections on the theme of young people
and smartphones.
There is a strong illusion that giving the smartphone to the child will
have more control. In reality at that moment we are giving him an
instrument that will allow him to do an infinite number of things on his own,
to go around the world, moving away more and more virtually and therefore more
than a tool of control becomes a means of independence !
LIFE
FROM SOCIAL FAMILY
Recently I had the pleasure of reading Life
from the social family of Laura Lecchi , a lawyer who has been dealing
with the law of new technologies for over 20 years. In his book, which I
especially recommend to parents because it explains in simple language quite
complex questions, Lecchi illustrates well the legal and legal landscape in
which we move when we use internet, smartphones, social networks, gaming apps,
etc.
Probably the family of which the author tells,
would not go on vacation in a place without wifi, as we saw this summer in
Carloforte, Sardinia. So it's better to equip yourself better in this
panorama. You can no longer do without the phone and wi-fi, so it is
better to prevent potential problems, especially when the protagonists of the
story are underage.
A very interesting point in my book is the one in
which he explains how to deliver the first smartphone to his son .
Many of the parents who contact me have 15/17 year
old children and they ask me: how do I remove my child from my cell phone? Unfortunately,
as in all aspects of education, it takes time, it is useful to start early and
run for cover at the end is of little use. Last year on psychology today came
out an interesting article about the concept that parents should be the first
to leave the phone down. This simply for the fact that being an
example is one of the first steps to educate to a correct use of digital
devices .
The life author from social family explains the
importance of giving the right value to the moment in which the first
smartphone is delivered to your child . This can not be done when
the child is now a teenager or even a month after delivery, must be done at
that precise moment!
A
CONTRACT BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR CHILD
The author inserts in the book a contract format
that can be used between parent and child to establish the conditions of
delivery of the first smartphone.His is a proposal, there may be others, but
there are 2 basic points that you emphasize for the definition of the contract:
1. It must be written : card sings! La Lecchi is a lawyer and
therefore knows well the value of a written text rather than words spoken in
the wind.Like all contracts then it must be dated and signed by both parties,
so that there are no misunderstandings or possible misinterpretations.
2. rules and penalties : each law provides for a relative sanction
and this contract can not be different. Think of the deterrent to be used
in case your child does not come to terms. The easiest thing can be to
pick up the phone but if you want you can also find even more creative
punishments.
LETTER ACCOMPANYING THE CONTRACT
This is my proposal, the author of the book does
not speak but I think it is due to our different formations: she is a lawyer
and I psychologist! You can write a letter, which accompanies the
contract, or simply say these things verbally. In short, the means by
which you wish to communicate it to your child, choose it but the content is
important.
Dear Son,
we are
giving you this smartphone that will take you to virtual places that we will
never know, we are aware of it. For us it means giving you so much
confidence and it is not a gift like any other.
We know that
you can find things on the web that we can not even imagine now, some will make
you laugh and others will scare you. There will be times when you feel you
can not do without this smartphone, when the battery is going to run out you
will run to look for a plug to connect it. There will be times when you
will read about things that will make you angry, blush, shame, scare, frighten,
worry, stay bad. There will be times when you will be looking forward to
receiving a message response and will continue to look at the screen to see if
it has arrived. There will be times when you want to spend all your free
time with your new phone. There will be times when in front of a film, you
will be instinct to control it. We know that there will be all these
moments and probably many others.
But we want to give you confidence and then we give
it to you because we believe that you will be able to manage all these moments. And
more importantly, we believe that you will come to us when you will have doubts
or problems with this new smartphone.
Remember
also, as specified in the contract, that even if you have given it to us, when
you do not respect the agreements, we will withdraw it.
Have a good trip in this virtual world and remember
that you have the compass in your hands, always!
Your mum and your dad
CONCLUSIONS
As also the Prof. Simeone, University Catholic emphasizes, the
moment when the phone is delivered coincides with the moment when you lose
control over your child . There are no magic formulas that apply
to everyone, just as there are no absolute rules that are valid for having the
first sexual relationship in a person's life: it depends on the cultural
context, the family values and the maturity of the individual! So even
with the smartphone: for someone to have it at 13 years can be fine, for others
to have it at 17 is too early because it would combine a lot of trouble.
What is certain is that it is a moment
not be underestimated and therefore make
a contract, establishing rules is certainly a way to formalize this step and
give it due importance
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